Severe anxiety during vac schemes

[corplawyer404]

I have suffered from anxiety all my life and it has been manageable but being on vac schemes has caused a huge "flare" for me - to the point where I can't think, converse properly, just sit at my desk worrying. I think I am good at faking that I am fine and doing well, like when talking to people or networking, but I have severe social anxiety that I always feel terrible during and after interactions and end up feeling they can "see" my struggles. Do you think I should drop out of the vac scheme? My anxiety is so bad right now and I just feel awful most days and feel utter dread at the thought of going back into the office. I think direct TC route would have been much better for me. These two week schemes are stupidly intense and I don't think I'm cut out for them to even get the basics right at this point.

 

[Lisa Lowe]

I’m no expert but wanted to respond becos it’s late - and hate the thought of someone worrying about a vac scheme late at night.

Firstly, can you contact your normal go-to (doctor, parent or friend)? It may be easier to chat this all through with someone who has helped before.

Then maybe take the pressure off yourself, these weeks do tend to be back-to-back, but I imagine a lot of the stress is the pressure vac schemes tend to put on themselves to do perfect work.

Maybe you can reframe the week i.e, instead of looking at it like an assessment, just think of it as an experience that you are doing to find out more about the legal industry and to build your CV. So don’t put any pressure on the final outcome.

Remember, most people at law firms are super busy (and we are all slighly self obsessed) so others are probably not examining you as much as you think. I wouldn’t worry about them ‘seeing’ your struggles, they have their own worries and see loads of open day/VS students. They are probably not that focused on you.

Obviously you need to do what’s best for you and you’ll know that. But if you think you can give it a second shot with a different mindset and take the pressure off yourself - you may even enjoy it. Equally, a vac scheme is a two way street, after the scheme you may decide it’s not the type of law firm you want to work in.

And remember, you must be a pretty good candidate to have gotten a vac scheme - they don’t come about easily 🙌

In terms of practical tips, if it’s too much socialising, maybe skip the after-works drinks/dinners and take a walk around the block at lunch time, to make sure you’re getting some recoup time.

 

[Jessica Booker]

The advice above from @Lisa Lowe is superb. In addition to what they have said, I would contact LawCare and speak to them as soon as possible to see what support/advice they can give you: https://www.lawcare.org.uk/

In addition, I have two contradicting views though that given they are contradictory may not be helpful.

1) you have to prioritise yourself and your well being. If that means ending your vacation scheme to ensure you are well, then that has to be the outcome. But I agree with Lisa’s advice above to think about the steps and seek support to ensure you make the right decision rather than a fast decision on that.

2) With your statement about just going to a direct TC route is that I am concerned this does not remove but may just delay the challenges you are having. Yes, a vacation scheme is intense from a learning perspective (and potentially your expectations’ perspective too) but my view is that a TC is more challenging and could be more anxiety inducing. Things become more “real” during a TC and that can cause another range of anxieties in people - but it really depends what their triggers for anxiety are. Given that, there is part of me that truly believes doing a vacation scheme will at least give you the experience of understanding what could cause your anxiety in that kind of environment and then consider how you may handle it in the future. It gives you the opportunity to potentially work out how to manage the anxiety before starting a TC. To me there is a risk that this anxiety could just be delayed until a training contract starts.

 

[Jaysen]

I have suffered from anxiety all my life and it has been manageable but being on vac schemes has caused a huge "flare" for me - to the point where I can't think, converse properly, just sit at my desk worrying. I think I am good at faking that I am fine and doing well, like when talking to people or networking, but I have severe social anxiety that I always feel terrible during and after interactions and end up feeling they can "see" my struggles. Do you think I should drop out of the vac scheme? My anxiety is so bad right now and I just feel awful most days and feel utter dread at the thought of going back into the office. I think direct TC route would have been much better for me. These two week schemes are stupidly intense and I don't think I'm cut out for them to even get the basics right at this point.

I just wanted to flag that you aren't alone here. I have long had social anxiety - it has improved over time, but I used to really struggle with this during my vacation schemes. A few things that helped me the most:

• Focusing on my strengths (trying to deliver good work) and just trying to manage the networking side. I knew I was not going to be in my element in big group settings, so I concentrated on building relationships with a smaller group of people I worked with.
• Realising that I just needed to do my best for the two weeks. I thought I could see this as an opportunity to work on the anxiety and if I could make it through the scheme then it was going to be a win.
• Understanding that people genuinely just wanted to welcome me and if I felt I was 'too quiet', they didn't see it as much of an issue as I did.
• Realising that the anxiety was something that I could work on in the future and that it was okay if I struggled with it right now. it didn't mean I wasn't cut out for the profession.
• Seeing that it became easier as I spent more time on the scheme and completed more schemes.

If you can manage the two weeks as best as you can, that's ideal - you've done an excellent job of getting on the scheme in the first place.

If it gets past the point of feeling socially anxious to a stage where it's take a serious toll on you, it's okay if you need to take a step back.

 

[corplawyer404]

I’m no expert but wanted to respond becos it’s late - and hate the thought of someone worrying about a vac scheme late at night.

Firstly, can you contact your normal go-to (doctor, parent or friend)? It may be easier to chat this all through with someone who has helped before.

Then maybe take the pressure off yourself, these weeks do tend to be back-to-back, but I imagine a lot of the stress is the pressure vac schemes tend to put on themselves to do perfect work.

Maybe you can reframe the week i.e, instead of looking at it like an assessment, just think of it as an experience that you are doing to find out more about the legal industry and to build your CV. So don’t put any pressure on the final outcome.

Remember, most people at law firms are super busy (and we are all slighly self obsessed) so others are probably not examining you as much as you think. I wouldn’t worry about them ‘seeing’ your struggles, they have their own worries and see loads of open day/VS students. They are probably not that focused on you.

Obviously you need to do what’s best for you and you’ll know that. But if you think you can give it a second shot with a different mindset and take the pressure off yourself - you may even enjoy it. Equally, a vac scheme is a two way street, after the scheme you may decide it’s not the type of law firm you want to work in.

And remember, you must be a pretty good candidate to have gotten a vac scheme - they don’t come about easily 🙌

In terms of practical tips, if it’s too much socialising, maybe skip the after-works drinks/dinners and take a walk around the block at lunch time, to make sure you’re getting some recoup time.

Hi Lisa

I definitely resonate with what you say about changing my mindset to one where I see it as an experience. I actually did think of it like this just so I could get through it without pressure. For me it's important that I don't give up because I want to see how far I can stretch myself and my anxious state before it gets too much. If I do feel like it gets too much that even this particular state of mind is no longer enough to cope, then I will make the decision to leave.

Thanks so much for your response - so so helpful

 

[corplawyer404]

The advice above from @Lisa Lowe is superb. In addition to what they have said, I would contact LawCare and speak to them as soon as possible to see what support/advice they can give you: https://www.lawcare.org.uk/

In addition, I have two contradicting views though that given they are contradictory may not be helpful.

1) you have to prioritise yourself and your well being. If that means ending your vacation scheme to ensure you are well, then that has to be the outcome. But I agree with Lisa’s advice above to think about the steps and seek support to ensure you make the right decision rather than a fast decision on that.

2) With your statement about just going to a direct TC route is that I am concerned this does not remove but may just delay the challenges you are having. Yes, a vacation scheme is intense from a learning perspective (and potentially your expectations’ perspective too) but my view is that a TC is more challenging and could be more anxiety inducing. Things become more “real” during a TC and that can cause another range of anxieties in people - but it really depends what their triggers for anxiety are. Given that, there is part of me that truly believes doing a vacation scheme will at least give you the experience of understanding what could cause your anxiety in that kind of environment and then consider how you may handle it in the future. It gives you the opportunity to potentially work out how to manage the anxiety before starting a TC. To me there is a risk that this anxiety could just be delayed until a training contract starts.

Hi Jessica

I definitely agree with what you say about using this as an experience to see what exactly triggers my anxiety and how I can manage it. Ultimately, I want a training contract and I believe I would be a good trainee so that is why I think a direct route would be better as a lot of anxiety is caused by feeling the need to secure a training contract. But also, I do feel anxious about how jam-packed it is and the working environment, speaking to people in higher positions, trying to impress etc which I know will be even more challenging during a training contract. So I also understand your point about sticking with it to challenge myself and see what I can do to alleviate my anxieties. I will therefore give it a couple more days and see how I feel.

I also did not know lawcare was a thing - wow! I will definitely look more into them. Thanks so much for your response.

 

[corplawyer404]

I just wanted to flag that you aren't alone here. I have long had social anxiety - it has improved over time, but I used to really struggle with this during my vacation schemes. A few things that helped me the most:

• Focusing on my strengths (trying to deliver good work) and just trying to manage the networking side. I knew I was not going to be in my element in big group settings, so I concentrated on building relationships with a smaller group of people I worked with.
• Realising that I just needed to do my best for the two weeks. I thought I could see this as an opportunity to work on the anxiety and if I could make it through the scheme then it was going to be a win.
• Understanding that people genuinely just wanted to welcome me and if I felt I was 'too quiet', they didn't see it as much of an issue as I did.
• Realising that the anxiety was something that I could work on in the future and that it was okay if I struggled with it right now. it didn't mean I wasn't cut out for the profession.
• Seeing that it became easier as I spent more time on the scheme and completed more schemes.

If you can manage the two weeks as best as you can, that's ideal - you've done an excellent job of getting on the scheme in the first place.

If it gets past the point of feeling socially anxious to a stage where it's take a serious toll on you, it's okay if you need to take a step back.

Hi Jaysen

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences of social anxiety.

Your tips are really so helpful. I always think there is so much emphasis during vac schemes to network and do coffees which I know are a big part of the career in general and something which I can't escape. As you mentioned, I do see my anxiety as something I can work on in the future. Over the last couple of weeks I have questioned myself and whether I would be cut out for a career in commercial law due to my anxiety. It is reassuring to know about your progress and mindset. I am challenging myself everyday to do as best as I can and even if I feel bad, maybe tomorrow will be better. I really hope I can get through the next two weeks but if not, I will take a step back.

 

[Jaysen]

Hi Jaysen

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences of social anxiety.

Your tips are really so helpful. I always think there is so much emphasis during vac schemes to network and do coffees which I know are a big part of the career in general and something which I can't escape. As you mentioned, I do see my anxiety as something I can work on in the future. Over the last couple of weeks I have questioned myself and whether I would be cut out for a career in commercial law due to my anxiety. It is reassuring to know about your progress and mindset. I am challenging myself everyday to do as best as I can and even if I feel bad, maybe tomorrow will be better. I really hope I can get through the next two weeks but if not, I will take a step back.

Of course, feel free to drop me a PM if you want to discuss this in the future. Best of luck!